Bar Rules v.s. League Rules

There seems to be a never ending argument between people who play on billiard leagues and those who don’t. Which is better, bar rules or league rules? Recently in our quaint little town in Southern Ontario, a drunken spectator was found harassing our league players repeating over and over how lame playing ball in hand rules are. He used very colorful language to describe the players that did and was both loud and obnoxious. Bar rules are for “real pool players” I guess that’s why our smart league players just keep quiet and keep taking his money.

First we have to understand Big Dawg, he’s cute, devilishly handsome, and all women croon at his sight, has taken on this task to get to the truth of the matter at hand.

Our first stop was to find the official, unwritten bar rules manual. This was no easy task, since every bar we went into had different unwritten bar rules. But we did find out that bar rule players have 3 major beefs about league rules. One is the concept of a ball in hand foul. They say it’s sissy to be able to place the cue ball anywhere on the table. It’s just an unfair advantage they cry and moan.  Well Big Dawg says it’s because they don’t want to be punished for their own rotten play. Face it, they fail to recognize that it only happens when the shooter screws up.

In the Bar Rules Research Centre, it’s been proven that playing safeties is for babies. Doing so can lead towards hand gestures, middle finger pointing, or even the back alley. It is written in the unwritten bar rules manual, you must always try to make a shot, no matter how hard, or impossible. But, according to the Bar Rules Research Centre, if faced with the impossible, fake it and blame it on excessive drinking.

Their last beef with us league players is call pocket, or heaven forbid, slop like another league plays. Real players according to the Bar Rules Institute must call the shot exactly. If you call your shot in the corner and it hits the rail first, you must call it that way. Even Big Dawg must admit it’s hard to argue with rules that the best and greatest players in the world that have ever lived use in tournaments every day. The best rule in the unwritten bar rules manual is, if you break and run out the table, it is stated you must bank the 8-ball. One last issue is bar rules cannot be quoted, and you’ll find this out when you hear a testy voice behind you saying “ I don’t allow that” and of course you either lose your turn or in some cases your teeth.

So there you have it! The official-unofficial- unwritten Bar Rules manual from the Bar Rules Institute.

Good players don’t screw up, bad players do. Every pool player, except of course Big Dawg, should pay a penalty for mistakes. I must be the exception, since I serve as a role model for impressionable ladies, and that’s one huge responsibility.

I cannot be allowed to let them down.